i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
