I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
