this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Randomize