All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
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