Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
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