good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
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