I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
