I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Apparently you make a good broom.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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