PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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