Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
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