well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
