I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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