How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
