Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Come share oat with me in your robe
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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