I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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