And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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