just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
he's single and there are thong briefs.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize