he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
