if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
