I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
