around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
