remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
