Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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