She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
