my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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