I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
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