really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
