These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
