Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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