sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize