please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
