Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
