i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
