My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
