I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
