I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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