It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
