i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Randomize
