Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
