I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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