New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
