our cab driver is having phone sex.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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