oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
