He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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