Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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