As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
It was like giving head to a cactus.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
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