Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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