First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
