I CAN MOONWALK!
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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