Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
