can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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