My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
