i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
