We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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