your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
