dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
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