He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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