Small penises have feelings too.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
