Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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