I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
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