I cockslap morals
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Randomize
