that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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