You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
