I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
