Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
