I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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