Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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