Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
