i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
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