I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I had to cum in my sink.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
