There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize