Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Randomize
